There are many reasons people decide it’s time for some therapy but one factor I’ve found comes up frequently is the impact of black and white thinking.
Also known as dichotomous thinking and all-or-nothing thinking, we’re talking here about seeing the world in definitive terms – “this is right, that is wrong”; “that was a success, this is failure.”
It’s a tempting concept because it offers us certainty and it comes from a good place – our primitive, built-in survival instinct – “this berry is safe, that berry is poisonous.”
The problem is, when it comes to human behaviour, nothing can be defined in such a binary way. Whilst many spend decades safe in this world view, at some point and often without warning, a situation arises where black and white thinking can’t explain what is happening. When this occurs, the result can be significant psychological distress, a rupture in our sense of self and a questioning of our entire belief system.
There is a large amount of research on the impact of black and white thinking on mental wellbeing and it is linked with a range of psychological issues including depression, anxiety, OCD, emotional dysregulation and sexual dysfunction to name just a few.
The following are the sort of statements that a lot of people will hope are hard facts – black and white, end of story. But, when you start digging into the details of any situation, the certainties disappear, nuances and specifics move in, and it becomes harder to take a definitive position.
“Drug users have brought their problems on themselves.”
“The person who cheated on their partner is the one to blame.”
“Women don’t sexually abuse men.”
“All paedophiles deserve to be punished.”
Whilst working as a trainee therapist with people in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction, I worked with a woman in her 20s who in the space of two years had lost her twin sister in a road accident, her mother to a heart attack and her father to suicide. She had gone from having a full family to being an orphan in the blink of an eye. I don’t believe anyone could go through that level of trauma without turning to some kind of self-soothing. In this case it was extreme use of (legal) drugs, but whatever she had chosen, no one could accuse this person of bringing her problems on herself.
How do you feel about the statements above? When do you struggle with all or nothing beliefs? Black and white thinking is cosy and reassuring, and by using it, we can convince ourselves we are safe from the turbulence of the world around us. That is, until it doesn’t work. And when it stops working, I’m here for you…
Suggested reading: Black-and-White Thinking: The Burden of a Binary Brain in a Complex World by Kevin Dutton
